| ....The Senility Prayer: Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and eyesight to tell the difference. Thanks to Father Len and others for supplying these jokes. |
| .....Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing! |
| Father Len's Laughing Corner |
A Jesuit, a Dominican, and a Trappist were marooned on
a desert island. They found a magic lamp, and after some discussion
decided to rub it. Lo and behold, a genie appeared and offered them
three wishes. They decided it was only fair that they could each have
one wish. The Jezzie said he wanted to teach at the world's most
famous university, and poof, he was gone! The Dominican wished to
preach in the world's largest church, and poof, he was gone! Then the
Trappist said, "Gee, I already got my wish!"
a desert island. They found a magic lamp, and after some discussion
decided to rub it. Lo and behold, a genie appeared and offered them
three wishes. They decided it was only fair that they could each have
one wish. The Jezzie said he wanted to teach at the world's most
famous university, and poof, he was gone! The Dominican wished to
preach in the world's largest church, and poof, he was gone! Then the
Trappist said, "Gee, I already got my wish!"
| Today's Featured Joke |
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The Confession Session
The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on
his sessions. The new priest hears several confessions, then the old priest asks him to step
out of the confessional for a few suggestions.
The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand."
The new priest tries this. The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, 'I see, yes, go on, and
I understand, how did you feel about that?"
The new priest says those things, trying them out. The old priest says, "Now, don't you think
that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying, 'No way! What happened next?'"
The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on
his sessions. The new priest hears several confessions, then the old priest asks him to step
out of the confessional for a few suggestions.
The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand."
The new priest tries this. The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, 'I see, yes, go on, and
I understand, how did you feel about that?"
The new priest says those things, trying them out. The old priest says, "Now, don't you think
that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying, 'No way! What happened next?'"
A man walks into a monastery and says “I want to be
monk.”
The abbot replies “Great! But you realize we are not allowed to talk
except every ten years.”
The man replies “Fine.”
Ten years go by and the man goes into the abbot’s office. The abbot
asks, “Well my son what have you to say?"
The man replies “Bed’s hard.”
The abbot remarks, “Is that it?”
The man says, “Yes”.
Another ten years go by and
the man goes into the abbot’s office
and says, “Food stinks!”
The abbot asks, “Is that it?”
And the man says “Yes.”
Another ten years goes by and the man goes into the abbot’s office
and says “Water’s cold. I quit!”
And the abbot replies, “Figures! You’ve been complaining ever
since you got here!"
monk.”
The abbot replies “Great! But you realize we are not allowed to talk
except every ten years.”
The man replies “Fine.”
Ten years go by and the man goes into the abbot’s office. The abbot
asks, “Well my son what have you to say?"
The man replies “Bed’s hard.”
The abbot remarks, “Is that it?”
The man says, “Yes”.
Another ten years go by and
the man goes into the abbot’s office
and says, “Food stinks!”
The abbot asks, “Is that it?”
And the man says “Yes.”
Another ten years goes by and the man goes into the abbot’s office
and says “Water’s cold. I quit!”
And the abbot replies, “Figures! You’ve been complaining ever
since you got here!"
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How Many Women?
Sent Courtesy of Donnamarie M. From Philadelphia PA.
Thank you Donnamarie!!
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin
asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded.
His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly."How do you
know that?"
"Easy," the little boy said.
"All you have to do is add it up, like the Preacher said: 4 better, 4 worse,
4 richer, 4 poorer."
Sent Courtesy of Donnamarie M. From Philadelphia PA.
Thank you Donnamarie!!
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin
asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded.
His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly."How do you
know that?"
"Easy," the little boy said.
"All you have to do is add it up, like the Preacher said: 4 better, 4 worse,
4 richer, 4 poorer."
| Have a good clean joke to share? Send it to RobertFrdrc@yahoo.com. Let Me Know If You Want Your First Name and Last Name Initial Posted. God Bless!!! Robert Frederico / Founder Director / Internet Scripture.com and Savior Catholic Radio.com ministries |
CHURCH BELLS
A minister was walking to church one morning when he passed
one of his members working in his garden. "Can't you hear those
bells calling you to church?" asked the minister.
"Eh, what's that?" said the member.
"Can't you hear those bells calling you to church?"
"I'm afraid you'll have to speak a little louder!" said the member.
"CAN'T YOU HEAR THOSE BELLS CALLING YOU TO
CHURCH?!" shouted the minister.
"I'm sorry," said the member, "I can't hear you because of those
darned BELLS!"
The Shipwreck Survivor
One balmy day in the South Pacific, a navy ship espied smoke coming
from one of three huts on an uncharted island.
Upon arriving at the shore they were met by a shipwreck survivor. He
said, "I'm so glad you're here! I've been alone on this island for more
than five years!"
The captain replied, "If you're all alone on the island why do I see THREE
huts."
The survivor said, "Oh. We'll, I live in one, and go to church in another."
"What about the THIRD hut?" asked the captain.
"That's where I USED to go to church."
I PRAY FOR...
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents.
At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers
when the
youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs, "I PRAY FOR A
NEW BICYCLE.
I PRAY FOR A NEW PLAYSTATION. I PRAY FOR A NEW DVD..."
His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and
said,
"Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."
To which the little brother replied, "No, but Gramma is!"
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents.
At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers
when the
youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs, "I PRAY FOR A
NEW BICYCLE.
I PRAY FOR A NEW PLAYSTATION. I PRAY FOR A NEW DVD..."
His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and
said,
"Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."
To which the little brother replied, "No, but Gramma is!"
Father Murphy
Father Murphy walked into a pub and said to the first man he met,
"Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man replied, "I do Father."
bbb
Father Murphy walked into a pub and said to the first man he met,
"Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man replied, "I do Father."
bbb
It's in the Bible
There was a faithful lady that had to do a lot of traveling for her
business, so she did a lot of flying.
Flying made her very, very nervous, so she always took her
Bible along with her to read as it helped relax her on the long
flights.
One time, she was sitting next to a man.
When he saw her pull out her Bible, he gave a little chuckle
and smirk and went back to what he was doing.
After awhile, he turned to her and asked, "You don't really
believe all that stuff in there do you?"
The lady replied, "Of course I do. It is the Bible."
He said, "Well, what about that guy that was swallowed by that
whale?"
She replied, "Oh, Jonah. Yes, I believe that, it is in the Bible."
He asked, "Well, how do you suppose he survived all that time
inside the whale?"
The lady said, "Well, I don't really know. I guess when I get to
heaven, I will ask him."
"What if he isn't in heaven?" the man asked sarcastically.
"Then you can ask him," replied the lady.
There was a faithful lady that had to do a lot of traveling for her
business, so she did a lot of flying.
Flying made her very, very nervous, so she always took her
Bible along with her to read as it helped relax her on the long
flights.
One time, she was sitting next to a man.
When he saw her pull out her Bible, he gave a little chuckle
and smirk and went back to what he was doing.
After awhile, he turned to her and asked, "You don't really
believe all that stuff in there do you?"
The lady replied, "Of course I do. It is the Bible."
He said, "Well, what about that guy that was swallowed by that
whale?"
She replied, "Oh, Jonah. Yes, I believe that, it is in the Bible."
He asked, "Well, how do you suppose he survived all that time
inside the whale?"
The lady said, "Well, I don't really know. I guess when I get to
heaven, I will ask him."
"What if he isn't in heaven?" the man asked sarcastically.
"Then you can ask him," replied the lady.
A Special Find
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, and
looked at the old pages as he turned them.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and
looked at it closely.
It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the
pages.
"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered: "I think it's
Adam's suit!"
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, and
looked at the old pages as he turned them.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and
looked at it closely.
It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the
pages.
"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered: "I think it's
Adam's suit!"
Father Murphy
Father Murphy walked into a pub and said to the first man he met, "Do
you want to go to heaven?"
The man replied, "I do Father."
The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."
Then the priest asked a second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."
Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go
to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."
The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you
die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group
together to go right now."
Father Murphy walked into a pub and said to the first man he met, "Do
you want to go to heaven?"
The man replied, "I do Father."
The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."
Then the priest asked a second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."
Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go
to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."
The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you
die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group
together to go right now."
Atheist Prayer-line
They have Dial-a-Prayer for atheists now.
You call up and it rings and rings but nobody
answers.
Author is Unknown
They have Dial-a-Prayer for atheists now.
You call up and it rings and rings but nobody
answers.
Author is Unknown